The Guai Lan Times

Friday, November 25, 2005

i think i have found the holy grail... its poker!!! more specifically... online poker!!! its the only casino game where theres no house edge... its u vs the other players... so u can actually make a living out of it!! well the house still makes some money though through the rake but thats beside the point... and online poker smacks the traditional brick and mortar casinos cos u get more hands per hour... and more hands = more $$$! yeaaaaaaah kudos to me
Randomly jotted by clarence at 6:00 PM |

Saturday, August 06, 2005

forex, stocks, deriatives, futures, are zero sum games... its impossible for everybody to get richer together... i might as well go be a conman!! is there no ethical way to get rich quick?
Randomly jotted by clarence at 7:26 AM |

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Change Friends Now!

Randomly jotted by Shiny at 6:09 AM |

Saturday, May 21, 2005

i heard that chinese guys have this gene that propenses them to addictions of various kinds... so i have to declare that growing hand in hand with my addiction to gambling... is my addiction to oranges!!! yes man... those nice sweet oranges that come in two varieties, seedless and umm seedful, i love them all! u see, i used to eat one orange after my lunch and would feel quite satisfied. but then... slowly... i decided that i had to eat an orange after dinner too otherwise i would feel like my meal wasnt complete. after all oranges are supposed to be good for u right? then... slowly... eventually... greed started rearing its ugly head again... and soon i was eating TWO oranges for lunch and one for dinner!!! if one is good two must be better! and recently, its like a drug addiction... i suspect they drug the oranges or something like that... they are really that addictive... i started eating TWO oranges for BOTH lunch and dinner!!! i would eat an orange for breakfast too if they served oranges for breakfast man. anyway with this growing thirst for oranges i am proud to say that i have pioneered the art of eating oranges without peeling them! first u poke a hole in the orange with the fork just stabbed at your food with, and then widen the hole by wiggling it, then with brute force tear it into halves, then u weaken the structure of the half by ripping away the top and the bottom, then u tear it into quarters, then u can start chewing at the yummy fruit from quarter pieces!! well your hands might get a bit wet from the orange juice but would u rather eat oranges fast or keep your hands clean?? u can always rinse them later. this method is fast albeit a little barbaric, but then again u gotta be fast in order to finish two oranges after your meal and still keep pace with your lower-in-vitamin-c pals who do not eat so many oranges.

oh yeah and i managed to re vocate... so im officially an overpaid clerk now! yeah yeah!!!
Randomly jotted by clarence at 6:15 AM |

Sunday, March 13, 2005

T s k

Ha its been a long time since anyone posted. I wonder who will read this post. Hello world!
Randomly jotted by Tan Guan Zheng at 2:55 AM |

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

darn im on a losing streak recently... on a negative 1k run. i think i will make it back in the next weeks.. days hopefully! but... losing sucks balls!!! its times like this that i wonder if ive actually become a du2 gui3 ---> gambling addict. but i dont think so hmm i can quit whenever i want... i think. ive thought of quitting after making my pile... however my pile always seems too small!!! when i was still a newbie placing fifties the euro monster winning streak seemed big enuf at first... a few hundred. then my... good friend... ahem... introduced me to toto... i was quite happy with the 7x100 red hot streak at first... then it sudddenly seemed little again. then back to soccer... i started placing more under the guidance of some master... but ended up with a 50-50 win loss ratio so having matured, i realised that toto was more profitable. strange that a game where u purely guess the numbers can win me more than a game where there is actually information to research on and all that... oh well... but life is strange!! i think im not an addict... im just.. an investor! hmm or maybe im an addict in denial.. i heard denial is one of the first stages of gambling addiction... hmm but if i can look at things in such retrospect... i cant be an addict!!! right??? maybe im an addict... ive become damn superstitious... recently the toto runner started praying to some statue he had at home for numbers... so far its been right like 7 times wrong 1 time... bookie killer!! i think the smaller bookies going to cannot take it soon! the first few bets we won a few k... then he bought lots of gold jewellery worth a few hundred as offerings for the diety, then the predictions keep coming true!!! damn freaky... i still dunno whether to believe in this kind of things or not!! the casino trip reinforced my superstitions... there got damn alot of fierce looking golden dragons and cai2 shen2 ---> god of wealth... and i heard priests come and bless the place one... got this damn unlucky aura... no wonder i clayed my money there. anyway on my part in order to keep my karma up i try to donate to charities whenever i can... and be nice to my parents and sisters... and feed the cat and birds in the canteen... errp. haha... sounds stupid... but u never know!!! and i figured that if i keep donating to charity eventually ill come to a point where ill have donated a few k, which is more than my ns total pay... then even if i go bankrupt during my 2 years at least i did something good! shit... i think im an addict i keep coming up with fanciful reasons to deceive myself that im not an addict! or maybe im not an addict because these reasons are solid reasons! anyway tonight... cannot take it no toto itchy finger must play champions league... bayern munich give one quarter!!! gogogo!!! die arsenal!
Randomly jotted by clarence at 6:09 AM |

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Love is in the air!! First the bird found a horse... i heard it was love at 1st sight with electricity flying all over the room... and when they 1st laid eyes on each other the universe stopped spinning... and the sun started shining... and the birds on the trees started singing. And then that day i spied the encik in charge of the cookhouse walking down a lonely alley hand in hand with one of the food-servers! well i try to make it home every night to drink my mother cook the soup... and chanced upon this secret rendezvous!! damn scandalous... they thought they wouldnt be seen at that hour, but didnt count on me popping home at 8 pm at night!

Randomly jotted by clarence at 5:02 AM |

Friday, December 24, 2004

people have been saying funny things to me lately!"lawyers always sue doctors... tell u what i help u write letter this time, next time dont sue us okay?" - some specialist from some clinic... hohohoho!! jack!!!
"okay!" - happy me.
and the other day two hooligans in civillian attire were spotted swaggering down the parade square. My encik, as usual, was sitting around outside the office with his gang of other enciks, smoking, talking loudly, and shaking their legs, like gangsters.
"YOU TWO FUCKERS COME HERE!!" my encik, with his sharp eyes and even sharper tongue, spotted the two punks.
"WHICH FUCKING CAMP YOU FROM?" he screamed when they duly arrived. i never fail to marvel at his eloquence.
"*censored for privacy reasons*" ahh the name of the neighbouring camp. my encik thought he could screw some storemen from elsewhere! it was getting pretty boring screwing the poor sods from our camp.
"RANK AND NAME? WHICH FUCKING 3 STAR GENERAL ARE YOU?" a pretty standard witty comment that was funny the first time u heard it, but not the next 10 or so. the other enciks sniggered at this... forlorn looking soldier.
"second liutenant chua" !!!
"liutenant lim" !!!!!!
whoops! there was this awkward silence that was short, but seemed to last forever. not for me though... hiding in my store i was laughing like mad!!! but of course i couldnt point at them and laugh la.. if not i will get confined for the rest of my 2 years.
"ahem.. err... with all due respect, sirs, i would appreciate it if you would refrain from cutting across the parade square in future..." my encik managed in a tiny voice, the tiniest i have ever heard him speak in. hahahahahha i was laughing so hard i was getting a stomachache!
"okay." they didnt speak much, but their look spoke volumes.
they couldnt care less about this ranting madman... they looked like they were going to say "okay whatever u asshole" but decided not to! shit la... should have gone ocs... then can heck care these paikias!

"hey i thought you got guard duty today?" -me... to my friend on christmas.
"no they tried to activate me this morning my rsm called me but i was so drunk i told him to fuck off. he hung up." -my friend.
"uh oh." -me. hahaha

Randomly jotted by clarence at 6:02 PM |

Thursday, December 09, 2004

oh man i just finished watching for love or money... im becoming quite a tv junkie!! its because i got quite sian of warcraft.. kept getting my ass smacked by the high level players... dammit... anyway back to the show... in the end both the guy and the girl chose each other and forsake their cheque!!! sweet right... *sniff* but near the end they keep bloody talking in circles.. i dunno if is the producers make them talk like that for suspense or what la... but they keep talking cock and misleading the audience... then drop the bombshell near the end. oh and yesterday i watched se7en... the scary show starring brad pitt... damn bloody damn gory... put me off eating meat for a while. and tomorrow im watching... err... some show at 10 o clock la i forgot the title but i remember it looked quite interesting! i forgot the genre too but it looked good! hoho i cant wait for 10pm tomorrow! but before that i have to rot the whole morning and afternoon away... ugh...

Randomly jotted by clarence at 7:35 AM |

Monday, November 08, 2004

yikes i got sodomized by a girl doctor today!!!!!! ahhhh!!! i went to tan tock seng to see the ENT specialist today for my... sensitive nose... ahha... When i first stepped into the consultation room i saw this hot babe sitting in the chair... i thought was some nurse feel like taking a rest in the doctor's chair... it was only after she beckoned for me to sit down that i realised the was the doctor! she said something after that.. forgot everything.. was mesmerised by her beautiful eyes.. ahha.. then she said she wanted to check my nose! !!!!! i ask her how.. she say use something-something-scope... i was like... eh!!!!!! wait wait!!!!! this wasnt in the plan!!!!! But it was too late to back out of it already... so i just sat there... tio stun... while she took out this damn freaking long tube.. and started.. shoving it up my nose... like magic trick like that. She was pushing and pushing non stop... i was quite alarmed at the alarming rate at which the alarmingly long tube was alarmingly disappearing into my nose and not coming out anywhere. After some time my throat felt a bit itchy... then i suddenly remembered from bio lessons in sec 4 that the nose and throat were joined!!!!! oh god... this doctor perverted is it... put tube from my nose to my throat to see see. She push somemore come out of my asshole liao la! She keep peering at some monitor... while i was sitting there... SHIT SHIT STOP ITS IN MY THROAT ITS GOING TO MY STOMACH THEN INTESTINE THEN COME OUT OF MY ASSHOLE SHIT STOP STOP!! then after it was done she said next week got some skin prick test... oh no... doesnt sounds good man... nvm at least i get to see her again! yay!

Randomly jotted by clarence at 2:20 AM |

Friday, November 05, 2004

*plotting something*

Randomly jotted by clarence at 5:25 PM |

Sunday, September 19, 2004

sui man... 2 nil... kaka also another yandao feller... pop up to score a goal... kaka kaka kaka i love kaka!!! he got cute name!! kakakakakaka!!

Randomly jotted by clarence at 7:50 AM |

yeah AC MILAN WON!!!! damn kan chiong man... 1st 85 minutes goaless... i sitting in front of the com keep thinking: die liao die liao give 100 bucks to singapore pools already... while doing my deltoid raises furiously... die liao die liao... alamak... how liddat... then suddenly up popped Shevchenko to score a penalty!!!!!!!!!!!! mama!!!!!! i love Shevchenko!!!! sexy name!!! Shevchenko Shevchenko Shevchenko!!!!! u da man!!!!! now i can go to bed happy... and hope that barcelona win later tonight... jackpot.. hoho!!

Randomly jotted by clarence at 7:50 AM |

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Oh please watch some more Taiwan productions man. Should really pay attention to the subtitles I bet they have really corny translations for the skills in the show. And the tu long dao and yi tian jian are gold is it... because in the book it's supposed to be black. Well can't expect too much from Taiwan productions huh.

Randomly jotted by windfray at 8:13 AM |

Time for a movie review... yi tian tu long ji on channel 8 every saturday and sunday from 7pm to 9pm is the best show in the universe!!! my whole family loves it. shush... i been addicted to many com games before... addicted to games of chance before... but never kena addicted to a TV show before... bloody hell haha. im like staying at home every weekend just to watch it man. awesome show! If i miss one episode i will keep annoying my family members by asking them what happened and if they cannot remember i will give them a very disappointed face and bug them like a bugger until they remember... haha... good story... hot babes... hunky hero... what more could u ask for??! ok la the zhang wuji hero not very hunky but he looks friendly and cute... and he has mastered the 7th level of the super powerful QIANKUN REVERSAL and the killer JIUYANG SHENGONG... so hes very powerful and cannot die and can dodge bullets and shoot bullets so all the babes love him i wanna be like him!!!! oh i think he acted as the 5th prince in huanzhu gege before but he was a botak head then... like a recruit ha... so im not too sure if its really him. his godfather the xiexun guy is my biggest idol... he looks so damn menacing, even though hes blind but he holds a cool looking sword called the DRAGON SABRE the tu long dao... and stares at everybody with his white eyeballs fiercely and growls at everybody fiercely and waves his sword around really dangerously... fierce. Then there're many hotties scattered around the show... theres this notable one called zhou zhiruo who looks real good from some angles but looks weird from others... maybe its the dot on her head that makes her look indian so she only looks good from the side. but never mind about her theres this super ultra killer hottie called zhao min in the show... im gonna marry her one day... but the problem is i dunno her real name. yet. does anyone know can please enlighten me?

Randomly jotted by clarence at 7:14 AM |